‘Malayalis looking for a life partner outside community ...
Malayali arrested for 'cheating' business partner in Gulf ...
Nearly 1 lakh Malayali NRIs are currently looking for Life ...
Watch: Malayali sisters recreate parents' wedding day ...
Malayali nurse stabbed to death by husband in US
Malayali Matrimonial - Indian Malayali Matrimonials ...
Indicating the progressive nature of the Malayali community was the fact that 30 per cent men and 18 per cent women were open to a life partner outside their own caste. 58% women seeking a life partner are 23-27 years, while 50% men are in the age group of 26-30 years. Indicating the progressive nature of the Malayali community was the fact that 30% men and 18% women were open to a life partner outside their own caste. The Malayali family, hailing from Thrissur, is based in Mumbai, and the Gopika-Devika video has become quite popular, with social media users enjoying the humour in the recreation. CHALISSERY: A Malayali was arrested on Friday for allegedly cheating his business partner in Gulf and making away with more than Rs 2 crore. The Chalissery police have arrested Akilanam Chazhiyattiti Parakkal house Shihab for cheating his friend and business partner Marathamkodu Ibrahim out of the money. Simple to use and exclusively online Premium Malayali matrimony services make us a differentiator amongst the matrimonial sites. We believe in providing a secure, easy to use and convenient matrimonial matchmaking experience to our members. Register with us for free to find your Malayali life partner. Malayali nurse stabbed to death by husband in US. PTI. Published Jul 29, 2020, 4:02 pm IST. Updated Jul 29, 2020, 4:37 pm IST. ... said Joy was moving to Tampa to escape her partner.
4 major interview questions asked to call girls.
2020.09.17 12:13 SnooOwls80824 major interview questions asked to call girls.
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2020.08.01 08:12 TejasNair[Weekend Long Read] Representation of Muslims in Malayalam cinema and taking the Riz test
The Riz test, inspired from the Bechdel test and Riz Ahmed’s 2017 speech in the House of Commons on diversity on screen, talks about five criteria to measure how Muslims are portrayed on Film and TV. If the film/show stars at least one character who is identifiably Muslim (by ethnicity, language or clothing) then is the character:
Talking about, the victim of, or the perpetrator of terrorism?
Presented as irrationally angry
Presented as superstitious, culturally backwards or anti-modern?
Presented as a threat to a western way of life?
If the character is male, is he presented as misogynistic? Or if female, is she presented as oppressed by her male counterparts?
If the answer for any of the above is yes, then the film/TV show fails the test. We look at Malayalam cinema that is said to be making the most progressive films in India right now and analyse how many films passed with flying colours and how many barely made it and how many miserably failed. The 50s and 60s had few films that headlined Muslim characters which told normal human stories within the milieu. The 1960 film Umma directed by Kunchako had polygamy as its central theme. There was also Subaidha, Ayisha and Khadeeja in the 60s. “The new wave sidelined women and Muslim characters. While commercial cinema was under the influence of MT Vasudevan Nair and his Valluvandan characters. Stories around upper-caste Hindu families became the norm. Superstar films were also anti-Muslim,” says CS Venkiteswaran, film academician and author. Some of the commonly observed motifs of misrepresentation would be Muslim characters invariably lacked education, practiced polygamy and families were largely patriarchal in nature. Women in typical traditional costumes who get married at a young age, bear several children, languish inside kitchens and put up with patriarchal oppression. While men in white skullcaps, goatee, green belts tied around a lungi and white banians, would propagate polygamy, misogyny, were superstitious, economically backward and uncouth. Statistically mainstream Malayalam films between 80s and 2000 had only a handful of Muslim hero characters. In the action thriller Moonam Mura (1988) directed by K Madhu, written by SN Swami, Mohanlal plays an ex-cop Ali Imran who is assigned for a mission, but his religion doesn’t add any value to the story. Similarly, in His Highness Abdulla (1990), he played Abdulla who eventually wins over the Hindu Thampuran’s heart and marries his adopted daughter. While Mammootty has played the iconic writer Vaikkom Muhammed Basheer in Mathilukal (1990), the evil Murikkum Kunnathu Ahmed Haji in Ranjith’s Palerimanikyam and world war veteran Khader in 1921 directed by IV Sasi and scripted by T Damodaran, based on the Mappila Uprising. Interestingly none of these films were directed or written by those who belonged to the community. If one goes by Census of India figures, Muslims makes 26.56% population in Kerala and by that count, the Muslim representation in mainstream cinema cannot be counted as enough. The 1988 Sathyan Anthikad film, Ponmuttayidunna Tharavu, written by Raghunath Paleri, has an elderly Muslim landlord, Hajiyar (Karamana Janardhanan Nair) who doesn’t allow his third wife, Kalmayi (Parvathy) to step out of the house, petrified that a younger man will snatch her from him. Kalmayi in her traditional attire and gold finery is a typical Muslim woman stereotype who seems content with her confinement, which was also a reflection of the society back then. Amina Tailors (1991) directed by Sajan, reinstates every Muslim stereotype—uneducated, roguish, oppressed women and misogynistic men. Amina is illiterate who learns to read and write for her lover, without her father’s knowledge, while the mother is a mute witness to the father’s boorish, misogynistic behaviour. Ghazal (1993) directed by Kamal has a heroine, who seems to have put the villagers under her spell with her blue eyes. Despite being madly in love with a young man in the village, she agrees to wed the much-married elderly Thangal (Nasser) to seek revenge for raping her years ago. She ends up killing him and herself on the wedding night as she feels she isn’t chaste enough to be with the man who loves her. Set in North Kerala, the film also adds to labels (polygamy, illiteracy, patriarchy, anti-modern, impoverished) associated with the Muslim community in that region. Thangal’s wife is again a silent observer to her husband’s philandering. But Perumazhakalam (2004), about a Hindu woman and Muslim woman who gets acquainted by an bizarre twist of fateengages us with its heartful human-interest story (which is inspired from real life). In Vinayan’s Dada Sahib (2000), Mammootty plays the double role of a Muslim father and son. While the son is an army man, the father is a freedom fighter. The son’s surname and religion typically result in him being arrested for espionage. The elderly father meanwhile runs from pillar to post seeking help from the police and government, doling out fiery speeches to prove his patriotism. In return he gets abused for his religion and being traitors historically! It also speaks about a narrative where the Muslim characters were required to prove their integrity and patriotism in a society which kept doubting their credentials (again reflected the society mindset during that time, which surprisingly remains the same). Suresh Gopy who played Muhammed Sarkar in the Shaji Kailas directed FIR (1999) had to resort to the whole good Muslim speech for those who questioned his intentions in the film. Though in some of the most feted political thrillers of the 90s, Muslim characters are invariably drug peddlers, bomb-creators and anti-nationals. They were either the villain’s henchman or anti-establishment figures scheming against the hero. Or they placed Muslim characters, simply to “represent a community”—like Baputti in Shaji Kailas’ Aaram Thampuran (1997), who is Mohanlal’s buddy and man Friday. While dropping him at Kulappuli Appan Thampuran’s mansion he excuses himself from entering the premise saying—"Namukku paranjittullathu ithreyellu. Ini Bappootti kayari ashudhamakkunnilla.” It’s a sly castiest statement. Jagathy plays Khader Khan in Ranjith’s Rock N Roll, a caricaturish Kozhikode Muslim who lives to eat. In Priyadarshan’s Kilichundan Mambazham (2003), set in Malabar, the template isn’t free of clichés either. Abdu and Ameena are in love but circumstances force Ameena to be the third wife of a rich merchant, Moidhooty Haji. Haji (Sreenivasan) right from the wedding night comes across as this libidinous man who considers women fit only to have sex, procreate and cook. In one scene he asks Ameena— “You get to eat biryani four times a day? What else do you need? When Ameena keeps postponing their consummation, a frustrated Haji drags his first wife to his bedroom for sex. Finally he gives Ameena the triple talaq so that she can go back to her lover (with an odd Muslim custom as an excuse) and chooses to stay with his first wife. That apart, the film and its actors gave the impression of being part of a shoddy fancy dress party with awfully rendered Malabar Muslim slang topped with loud mannerisms. In many mid 90s films, Muslim characters were placed to add humour. Cochin Haneefa used to be at the receiving end of quite a few roles like that. The 2006 Shaji Kailas suspense thriller Baba Kalyani reinstates the favourite Bollywood Muslim stereotype—How Hawala invariably links to Muslims and the Pakistan nexus. In the film Mohanlal’s Baba Kalyani finds out that antagonist, Babu (Indrajith Sukumaran), a college lecturer by the day is a kingpin of a terror organization in the state. He is said to have undergone Jihadi training in Pakistan and is planning a massive explosion. Vineeth Sreenivasan’s love letter to the Muslim woman’s veil, Thattathin Marayathu (2012) has a hero who is mesmerised by the heroine’s face framed inside the veil. “When she puts it, I am unable to focus elsewhere,” is his constant refrain. The heroine meanwhile lives a sheltered existence along with her divorced sister and submissive father in a home ruled by her misogynistic uncle. When her love affair with the Hindu boy is revealed she is beaten with a belt by the Uncle. The girls (her elder sister is blamed for walking out of an abusive marriage) despite being educated are shown to be mere puppets in a toxic patriarchal space. One can’t deny that a reversed narrative would have resulted in Love Jihad. “Earlier in Malayalam cinema, most of the villain characters had Muslim names or very rarely Christian names. I once asked this writer why he made that cruel villain a Muslim character? He replied, “It’s just a name, that’s it.” I think that’s the biggest disaster that can happen to a writer. It’s not just a name, that its name is Islamophobia is what we learnt much later. We need to think before we even pick names. When we start procrastinating, writing becomes dangerous,” observes Writer PF Mathews. In Ustad Hotel (2012) directed by Anwar Rasheed, written by Anjali Menon, the heroine belongs to a rich patriarchal Muslim family where women are expected to cook and bear children. Though she is an architecture student, she agrees to an arranged marriage, and hopes to be “allowed to work” post marriage. Shahana is also seen performing for a rock band at night without the knowledge of her family. While the hero’s sisters though initially are married off, they are later shown to be taking care of the hotel business. And during the beginning of the film the mother is only there as a symbol of procreation (though it can be argued that it’s a reality in many Muslim households). The father is displeased by the daughters she gives birth to and after the son is born, she conveniently dies. The scene where Dulquer Salmaan’s Faizi raises his eyebrows at a Muslim man who admits that the bunch of children rallying around him are his own would again be a stereotype. "A heroine who portrays a Muslim character wears a burkha, jumps over walls and sings rock music for liberation, or when she goes out for work, the family runs behind her and hands her a hijab (Take Off). There is no attempt to go deep into their culture, thinking or aesthetics," says Parari. The Murali Gopy scripted Tiyaan (2017) is strewn with celluloid Muslim stereotypes where they draw kohl-eyed hooligans who rape and kill as Pakistani born bad Muslims and the namaaz reading, good Samaritans who walk in the backdrop of Arabic chants as the good ones. Last year’s B Tech set in the backdrop of an Engineering college in Bangalore is about a group of friends and how the death of their young Muslim friend turns their life upside down. Though a well-intentioned commentary against islamophobia, it dissolves into a middling narrative with cliched social media inspired memes being converted into dialogues. The ones who passed the test The first film which went against every single checklist in the Riz test has to be the Muhsin Parari directed and written KL10 Pathu (2015), set in the backdrop of a place (Malappuram) that has never got its due in the movies. If TV Chandran’s Paadam Onnu Oru Vilaapam depicted the regressive reality of how Muslim girls forced into early marriages are left in the lurch once pregnant, others showcased the youth who indulged in bigotry and treason. Even the recently released Amazon Prime web series, Family Man had a Malayali antagonist, Moosa, who hails from Kasaragod and joins the ISIS after his family gets slaughtered in a riot. But in his debut film, Parari debunks every stereotype associated with the district and creates a democratic, fun space. Be it having a progressive, independent fun-loving heroine who wears a hijab without fuss, to men who planned their days around food and football to an adorable Jinn, with kohl-lined eyes, as the narrator. There are lovely undertones of Sufism, in music, architecture and poetry. It’s a smartly written film that digs deeper into the socio-political milieu of the region, where conversations flow freely, friendships are legendary and people are warm and frothy, along with precisely retaining their dialect and portraying their culture authentically. "It did justice to the tagline we used— “Mazha Mayayudey Paryayamanu” which questioned the inclusiveness of the mainstream Malayalam cinema. Also, KL10 Pathu was the first movie in which a Muslim girl in Hijab was depicted unapologetically," offers Parari. In their next film, Sudani from Nigeria (2018), Muhsin and Zakariya—who makes his directorial debut—achieve the same honesty and integrity in depicting the life of Malappuram residents. The narrative follows Majeed, a Sevens football team manager, and his friendship with an immigrant Nigerian player, who finds himself at the Manager’s home being lovingly tended to by his mother following a broken leg. Considering the landscape, culture and people were always misrepresented, the makers pull all the stops to bring it all back to perspective. Be it their passion for football and food, their ability to open their hearts and homes to a stranger and their quirky sense of humour, naivety and taking pride in their nativity. While there are women who happily thrive in the conditioned patriarchal space, there are also young, financially independent sort who refuse to settle for a partner who aren’t as qualified as them. “Though I thought that was going the extreme, without a single grey character and a village filled with kind-hearted people. I don’t see a balance there,” says CS. In the 2017 film Take Off, based on the real life story of nine Malayali nurses who were held hostage by terrorists in Iraq, Parvathy plays Sameera, a Muslim nurse who gets a posting in Iraq. Sameera, who hails from a lower-middle class family, gets married into an affluent, conservative Muslim family where women are expected to take care of the home and children. When she decides to pursue nursing to help her father pay off the loans, the husband and his family don’t take it well, resulting in a divorce. Sameera is one of the most realistically sketched Muslim female characters in Malayalam cinema — all her battles are fought staying within the system. Even in her husband’s home, it’s not shown as an outright rebellion, but a matter of standing up for herself. She is trying to fit into all the roles as best as she can — be it nurse, wife, mother, daughter or daughter-in-law. Manju Warrier plays Saira, a postwoman wearing a head scarf in C/O Saira Banu—but nowhere in the narrative does the religion or gender have a say in their character arc. The only reminder would be when she talks about getting beaten up by her father when she was in school for removing her hijab to save a pair of kittens from getting soaked in the rain. Films like Big B, Anwar, Annayum Rasoolum have characters who don’t fall into Muslim stereotypes. Big B main leads are named with an eye on communal harmony—Bilal (Muslim), Eddy (Christian), Murugan and Bijo (Hindus) are orphans adopted by a good Samaritan Mary teacher. And none of the characters are pigeon-holed because of their religion. There are interesting unconventional, organic depictions. In Aami, one of the stories in the anthology 5 Sundarikal, Fahad Fasil is a rich Muslim who plays interesting mind games with his wife over the phone during a long journey. While Neelakasham Pachakadal Chuvanna Bhoomi has Dulquer Salmaan belonging to a conservative Muslim family in North Kerala on a journey to find his lover. It also shows his patriarchal and traditional household where the mother is anxious about the son marrying someone outside the caste. The 2017 romance Mayaanadhi about two star-crossed lovers has a track about a popular film actress who is a Muslim and how her life is controlled by her misogynistic brother. When a clip of her midriff gets revealed in a film, he immediately puts a stop to all her film ambitions. However, one has to note that it's a role seldom given to a Muslim woman on screen. While the Soubin Shahir directed Parava is a beautifully framed film in the backdrop of a milieu he comes from, Mattanchery and their passion for pigeon racing. It’s a tribute to a subculture and milieu and their ordinary lives where religion never comes in the way of the narrative. In Aashiq Abu’s Virus, a medical thriller inspired from the Nipah outbreak in North Kerala, the Muslim community are carefully drawn out, there is a lovely spontaneous romance between a young doctor Abid Rehman and his sweetheart Dr Sara Yakub and they hint at the stereotypical demonising the community has to endure when the prime Nipah giver’s lover is questioned about his whereabouts. “That’s why I say that one of the significant developments in Malayalam cinema in this decade has been the phenomenal presence of Muslims in the industry be in direction, cinematography or other technical aspects which in turn helped in creating a more sensitive and productive narrative for the Muslims in cinema,” maintains CS. But then it's also true that one of the most poignant gay romantic stories, that too between two Muslim characters can be seen in the recently released Moothon, directed and written By Geethu Mohandas. The love story between Akbar and Ameer is so organically written, enacted and crafted, making it perhaps the most sensitive and politically perfect depictions of Muslims and homosexuality in Malayalam cinema till date. (By Neelima Menon via Full Picture)
2020.07.15 17:20 notyourshortgirlHelp learning hindi
Hello, So I've been born and bought up in Kerala. Studied in CBSE. Was taught Hindi but I never understood the grammar rules (where to use ki, Ka etc) maybe because of a school change during young age or something. So I just studied Hindi till 8th standard (by rote. Just by hearted the answers and recreated.) Once writing our own paragraphs were involved I started scoring less so I just shifted to learning malayalam. (Because of the coveted A1). But now I'm struggling. I study my degree course outside Kerala so I interact with people who speak Hindi. (Eventhough 75% of people in college also ended up being mallu's. Malayali da). I can understand words and their meanings and I can guess what some sentences mean 80% of the time but I cannot reply. I am not able to confidently speak. Add to this, some Hindi speakers making fun of my attempts, I've developed a complex which makes it very hard to learn Hindi. I've heard of the typical advice (watch Hindi shows and movies.) But since I'm preparing for an important exam for my post graduation, I have basically stopped consuming entertainment media all together. The course I'm planning to pursue would lead me to colleges with a huge chunk of Hindi speakers and I really want to be able to understand what they're saying completely and participate in conversation (Bilingual speakers tend to fall into their mother tongue even if there are people who don't speak it. I'm guilty of this crime as well. I don't wanna feel left out). My partner speaks Hindi and so does his family. So I also want to talk to them better in the future. (It's also very practical to know and it's a life saver anywhere outside of South India/Kerala) Did anyone else face similar trouble in learning hindi or am I just bad at this? Do you get made fun for the way you speak Hindi? Can you help me with some tips? Thank you in advance :)
2020.05.21 10:31 nottykuttyAre Keralites open to being childfree?
Note- Writing here with some trepidation. Please excuse any errors :) So before I get to my question, here’s some context. I’m currently in a phase right now where I am forced to choose between freedom/careegenerally chill lifestyle and gearing down and finding myself a husband. Or rather, giving in to whichever lad my parents find. And this has been an ongoing process for 3 years. Needless to say, it’s caused a huge strain on my relationship with my parents (which honestly was already on thin ice). I’ve decided to remain childfree, that is, to not have children (biological or adopted). This is pretty much a huge dealbreaker for me. It also has led to several men noping out of even talking to me after knowing that I don’t wish to be a mother. I do wish to have a partnehusband/SO but ideally, wish to be a lot more financially stable to be on equal footing with my (future) partner. I’ve talked to several guys my parents have found for me on matrimonial sites and even guys I’ve found on dating sites (guys who angled for a serious relationship). Most of these guys are quite bent on having children (which is ABSOLUTELY normal) and find the idea of not having kids preposterous. This feels very disheartening at this point because honestly, I would very much like to be with a Malayali like myself. I’ve raged against the thought, had heated discussions with said guys, but never got much of a proper perspective other than “why else would I bother getting married”? So are Keralites not childfree?
2020.05.16 09:30 RandomMalayaliNever Been in a Relationship or in Love
Hey People, this is a useless personal rant, so if you don't have time to waste, please ignore it. I'm a 23-year-old Malayali, Born and raised in Kerala, Average looking guy. and as the title says, I've never been in love or have ever been in a relationship. I almost fell in love with two girls and have told them but they didn't feel the same way. they are still one of my best friends. Recently I noticed that almost all of my friends have been in a relationship many of them are still in a relationship [ serious ones ]. this has gotten me thinking a lot. have I missed something? like School/college romance and all. I don't know what to expect from a relationship or how to maintain one, it makes me feel vulnerable and I'm scared at the fact that I might never be in a relationship. I'm a complicated person, want my partner to know everything about me, so not interested in arrange marriage or anything like that. I'm a sociable person, has a lot of friends [ male and female] but never been able to develop a relationship with anyone yet.Given my situation is like this, I'm a bit Confused about my future.
2020.05.04 10:20 bismatrimonyKerala Matrimony Service for Malayalis - Free Kerala Matrimonial
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2019.12.03 20:45 baldmallu26 and bald - moral dilemma
Looking to navigate a dilemma - and I don't have many Malayali friends, so I'm turning to you guys to understand how Malayalis pursue done stuff. To give a bit of a background - I'm 26 and my hairline has receded a fair bit, hair density on my scalp is low. I've been losing hair since early 20s My dad is bald - so the genes are definitely there. In my mind, if I get a transplant, I'm cheating my future life partner (nope - nobody in the picture, just ended a 6 year old relationship - which is why the dilemma pops up now). Because they don't know that I was bald, and it might so happen that I become bald again after the transplant. For some people, the genes in their kids matter. On the other hand, I'm also worried about not finding someone given how I look right now. Do Mallu women consider bald men? Or is it generally an outright turn down? My friends haven't told me directly, but their attempts to set me up have failed, and they've all advised me later on to go for a transplant If the situation is as grim, how I navigate through this moral dilemma - so I stay alone, or do I cheat my future partner
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Hi everyone, I am a white American girl whose partner is Malayali Christian from the state of Kerala. His brother is getting married this spring and my partner and I will likely be getting married soon too. I'd love to see if there are any other brides in this sub who have had or are having a Malayali Christian wedding, and can tell me about how they've gone about it? I know that they are far more similar to western weddings than traditional Hindu weddings are, but we want to make sure we incorporate all of the right things and do it in a way that our American guests will understand :) Also looking for great places to find saris, minnus, garlands and other necessary materials in the Midwest. His mom is going to Bangalore soon so that is an option too. All advice is welcome! Thank you!
2018.12.22 08:33 the_screenslaverIf your spouse/partner is a non malayali, please share your experiences.
Where are they from ?How did you meet? What are the challenges you face in daily life due to differences in culture and language? How welcoming are your parents and other family members ? Have they learnt Malayalam or you learnt their language? If you have kids, what language they speak ?
2018.10.01 15:54 blangaloorAny pressure-cookers here? What has been your experience with our society?
I don't know if 'Pressure-cooker' is the appropriate nomenclature--you get the gist-- girls who are not the primary cooks and roomie/partner is? Girls who cook only for survival or only due to pressure. How has the Malayali society been to you?
2018.09.30 22:48 fencesitter76Any House husbands here? What has been your experience with our society?
I don't know if 'House Husbands' is the appropriate nomenclature--you get the gist-- men who are are not the primary breadwinners and who look after domestic affairs and kids more than their partners. How has the Malayali society been to you?
2017.03.09 15:31 BotSpeaksThe Gulf Wives of Kerala
A shorter version (reduced by 93.0%) can be found on Kerala. This is an extended summary, original article can be found here
The Gulf Wives of Kerala. Behind most Indian men working in the Gulf is a wife back home, living in a shared house bringing up his children with the help of her extended family. 'I want to live here,' she says, referring to Thekkepuram, a tradition-rich village inside the boundaries of Kozhikode in Kerala. He maintains a household in the motherland and earns more money than he would back home. 06 million of them in the state, living a separate life from their husbands. Coastal Kozhikode (formerly Calicut), the third largest city in the south Indian state of Kerala, is home to many Gulf wives. There is a charming, possibly apocryphal tale of two Arab aristocrats who sailed the world to establish trade with Kozhikode. Today, Muslims in Kerala account for a quarter of the state's population. Hyundai and Levi's showrooms are features of a city that would not normally have been this cosmopolitan; those who stay behind have the opportunity to capitalize on the financial gain of those who earn overseas. After her marriage Nuhman went to Dubai for ten months, then returned to Kozhikode to bring up their family. The people of Thekkepuram, mostly from the Koya suddivision of the Mappila community, have a unique joint family system; women continue to live in their ancestral houses after marriage and their puthiaplas (husbands) join them there. 'Most young girls want to go there if they haven't been, they don't know what it's like,' a Kuwait-returned Malayali male relative of Nuhman says. ' Most homes have two or three family members in the Gulf, and in the case of large joint families like Nuhman's, their tharavad (large family home) and conservative way of life are sustained mostly by the largesse of their husbands and sons. Children run freely, clinging to the burkhas of various mothers, aunts and cousins when a visitor is announced, assured of attention at every instance. Most of them are women, but men who are visiting their wives add to the population now and again, particularly in the summer when full-time workers return home. One room is austerely outfitted, almost spartan, and across the corridor, within the same space, is an ostentatious, elaborate room more evident of Gulf salaries. Bordered by coconut palms and accessed by a series of stone steps, the chira was the site of state proclamations in the time of the Zamorin, and today is a popular local hangout.. Near it is the ancient Mishkal mosque, which is the centre of daily rituals. Another family member, Tabarra Usman Vanissery, 27, returned from Dubai two years ago when the economy slowed. "It's the same in some ways," she explains, "except there is no help; my husband would help, and if we didn't want to cook we would go out. She seems wistful yet briskly forward-thinking, and doesn't seem to want to dwell on the negatives of her Dubai life that she sees as less important. Her husband was in the Gulf for 32 years after three years at home. ) She has a 24-year-old daughter working in Kozhikode, in tourism. Rasiya also has a son, already a steady earner in a hospital in Doha. He managed the restaurant with a partner in the UAE, which enabled him to spend more time in Kerala. Through this canny rotation, the two made the most of Dubai's wealth and their own home comforts in Kerala. "No money, no funny". asks Dr S Rajan, associate fellow at CDS in Thiruvanathapuram and a leading expert in Malayali Gulf migration studies. "Dubai was close by. In the relaxed environs of Trivandrum, as it is commonly referred to in English, such ambition seems like an unnecessary uprooting. How does one weigh this kind of loneliness against the other kind that both Amisha and Rasiya say they want to avoid, the loneliness of being in a foreign country without a social support system? Every immigrant life is shaped according to how they respond to this essential conflict. Conversely, a total of 83 per cent said they preferred potential husbands to work in the Gulf.. These women, like the men they marry, are compromising on companionship and normative families for a future generation who, they hope, will not need to make the same sacrifices. Moreover, what Rajan and his fellow researchers found is that the women who have had to take charge in the absence of their husbands have become more confident and independent, and this points to a significant change, even in conservative societies such as that of Thekkepuram.. EV Mustafa has been a travel agent for 30 years and is a prominent figure in Kozhikode, specialising in journeys to the Gulf.
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